The BFF Breakup

Are you feeling the “cold shoulder” exclusion from friends you hung out with over the summer? Has a friend attached herself to a new group of girls? You are definitely not alone. Unfortunately this phase happens as we start a new grade or attend a new school. Friendships go through a rollercoaster of change and even thought it’s normal, girls can get through the tough moments but more importantly understand what’s really going on. Here’s my take on this crazy whirlwind of friendships.

I can practically guarantee you that it’s not your fault! The beginning months of a new school year can be exciting. New teachers, new friends and sometimes a brand new school. It’s pretty easy to get caught up in wanting to be liked, accepted and finding yourself in classes with brand new girls you never met before. So, it seems super logical to strike up a conversation and next thing you know, you’re connecting outside school. In the midst of all the new, sometimes we tend to lose sight of the loyal bff’s we confided in all summer.

Between school, after school activities, homework and chores, we lost thoughtful time to check in and be a good friend.

WHAT CAN YOU DO?

Talk it out and share how you’re feeling. This is one way to get answers and stop stressing over “Is she a friend?” or “She hates me.” or “What did I do?” Convos are super effective. You’ll know where you stand and either move on or make the friendship work. It’s that easy. Talking it out also keeps drama from spreading because you’ll want to vent to your other friends about how you feel you're being treated. Nix the drama - It’s wasted time and not worth it!

I have personally felt this way and will admit it stinks, BUT it did give me a great perspective on what friendships truly mean. I learned that I too have to be a good friend and reach out to those that are important to me. Great friendships are never one-sided.

You will have lots of acquaintances but the number of REAL friends you have may be smaller than you think. Do not worry - this is OK! Quality over quantity every time!!

Now, stop worrying. Have those important convos and be a Girl Above Society, aka, a great friend who lifts up her BFF's!

DAY 1

The first time you step back into your school hallways, whether it’s a new school or old familiar school, anticipating those moments can make us feel a little anxious. Don’t worry. Lots of girls just like you are feeling those butterflies and I’m here to help ease you back into school with a new perspective and maybe a bonus boost of confidence.

Here’s the REAL Truth…

You are NOT alone. Your peers, some you call friends and some you haven’t met yet are going through the scenarios in their mind of how the 1st day will play out. No need to take notes (technically school’s not in session yet..) because I’m sharing all the details below.

WHAT SHOULD I WEAR?

It's super normal to worry about appearance, but before we get out of control, let’s keep a positive perspective. It's a fact, our bodies change and you might be experiencing acne for the first time or body development. The timing of these changes are different for all of us. Don’t forget, your friends are going through similar things. My best advice - Wear clothes that fit your style, not someone else’s. In all honesty, the biggest part of your “style” comes from the inside first! I say this all the time but don’t be afraid to have real convos with your friends/family about how you feel. I know for me, it’s been eye opening and reassuring to know I’m not alone.

NEW BFF'S

When it comes to the social scene, making new friends is one of the biggest worries. Some of your friends may be in different classes or even different schools. It’s important to have a friend group but don’t lean towards just any group, be picky! Hanging out with popular girls can seem cool, but at what cost. Are these girls popular because they have a good social image or are they mean? It’s very normal to drift apart from old friends and create new friendships. Friendship evolution can come with some stress but only if you allow it. MEAN STINKS - Be nice to everyone regardless of rumors that float the hallways. You never know the whole story and gossip is the toxic talk that fuels even more hate. Taking the high road is not only good for yourself, it creates positive change that others see as well. Choose friends who are authentic, kind and supportive. Making friends might not happen on the first day…give it time. You’ll be glad you did! Remember: You don’t have to be part of the drama…you can choose to be part of the change for good.

YOU CAN SIT WITH US!

Lunch is that much needed break from classes. If you’re like me, you look forward to eating, having some down time and hanging out with friends. Day 1 can be a little stressful as you may be wondering if you’ll see anyone you know to sit with. Some schools have assigned lunch seating. This definitely takes away the worries about who to sit with and it also gives you the chance to make some new friends. If your school has open seating and you find yourself feeling alone on day one, do not panic. Scan the lunchroom. If you don’t see anyone you know, ask another group if you can sit with them (It’s not as scary as you think!) or ask someone who is sitting alone! If you just want to sit alone, that’s awesome too! You can always busy yourself with a book while you’re eating lunch. Now that I’m older and look back, lunch is lunch - don’t stress too hard. No one remembers who you sit with. Mix it up and sit with different friends. You’ll be glad you did.

The 1st day of school marks a new beginning. You have the opportunity to start the school year with confidence and positivity. Use your strength to stay true to yourself regardless of what peers or social media has to say. Don’t get hung up on the details and remember that the school hallways never define you…That’s all up to YOU!

Have a beautiful 1st day of school ~ XOXO Lauren

ESREVER SELFIE

When you look in the mirror, do you accept how you look?

This question is THE most important one when we measure our self esteem & confidence levels. This post is going to dive deep into social media, filters & how the original "selfie" has become the REVERSE "selfie".

Filter: something that has the effect of a filter (as by holding back elements or modifying the appearance of something)

Lighting, background & hair was altered. I went from bad lighting in my kitchen to looking glam in paradise. While this might be fun, I recognize this is NOT the real me!

Photo editing has become an open secret in the land of social media. Applications like Instagram, FaceTune & FaceApp have made it so easy for us to change the way we look ― through filters, retouching or a combination of both ― that it’s becoming harder to determine what’s real and what’s not. I would also argue the point that these apps are enabling us to perpetuate a fused blended expression of beauty, as opposed to celebrating raw, authentic individuality. Dove has launched #NoDigitalDistortion - This is a representation of how far retouching apps can distort beauty. #NoDigitalDistortion is Dove's movement to help build confidence and positive body image on social media.

90% of young women reported using filters or editing their photos to appear as if they had whiter teeth, weighed less, had a different nose, or other physical changes. (University of London's Gender and Sexualities Research Centre)

Just about everything is altered in this professional photo. Scroll down to see before/after. Photo Credit: ET Images

CAUSE?

They’re fun!

They allow us to hide what we feel are imperfections.

Note: I personally love to embrace imperfections. We are not perfect so it seems quite natural and real. Deep thought question: Who decides what “perfect” means anyway? If every girl was “perfect” life would be very boring.

They enhance lighting because most of us don’t walk around with a camera crew! One of my favorite reasons to use a filter!

EFFECT?

Constantly editing our photos and videos can slowly lead to feeling insecure when we look in the mirror. The less we see realistic images, the more reality becomes distorted when we see our image reflected to us in the mirror.

CHANGE?

My goal is not to blame apps like FaceTune and Instagram or the people who create them. Instead, I want to raise awareness that these apps exist and people are using them to alter their faces to fit an ideal that has morphed into “reverse selfies”. Do we really want to look like clones of each other? The future of social media could potentially shift the selfie game in a negative way if we fail to acknowledge and celebrate the very things we are filtering out and what make us unique. My Girls Above Society GIRL TALK Curriculums are designed to give girls the tools needed to be confident, kind & cyber-smart. Social media and body image are issues discussed that spark crucial face-to-face convos. Today's young girls are tomorrow's leaders!

If you find yourself constantly feeling the need to alter your appearance through filters or apps, think about this. Being the best version of yourself has never been about looking like someone else. And being able to so easily change the makeup of your face or the makeup ON your face to look like somebody else or like a beauty norm or ideal, seems like a really toxic way of approaching who you are as a human being.

You are a human being, not a filter or application. Authentic is refreshing and REAL! When we meet someone in person, we do not have the ability to pop up a filter. We are without falsities, which is exactly how we should be.

Filters and face/body changing apps won’t change, however, when they are used with the right mindset, we as girls can stay confident, support each other and celebrate our awesome freckles, skin color, the shape and everything about our face and body. Filters filter out our authenticity. Our authentic Girl Power and effect on others when we support each other is more powerful than any filter ever created!

XOXO Lauren