Saying NO is OK

I’m 18 years old and I consider myself a true “All American Girl”. I am truly worried about a growing trend in young teen girls today.  As young as age 13 girls are having sex with boys not because they necessarily want to but because they feel like their peers are doing it and would be considered inferior if they say no. Being in the age range of 13-15 having a boyfriend today means a girl has met a guy, most likely at school and they begin talking mostly via text. The texts look a lot like this:

“What’s Up?”

“How was your day?”

“I miss you”

“I love you”

Then there’s sexting….. The guy says “Hey, send me a pic” and the girl feels like she should because they are dating, right?  Not all girls this age sext but it does happen!

Many teen girls feel like because a guy is texting her and just because they have been asked to be his girlfriend over text , they are now in a deep meaningful relationship. Cementing the relationship on Facebook REALLY means they love each other. Now we all know 13-15 year olds don’t have a drivers license, so in order to go anywhere besides school they either have an older sibling, older friends, or parents who are willing to take you to the movies, etc…

At the 1 month of dating mark, girls begin to feel they are truly in a serious relationship. Most girls couldn’t tell you many details about the boy or his family but they feel they are in love. Boys will be boys and due to hormones kicking in they will always try to seize an opportunity. I don’t blame the guys for testing the waters as long as they are not abusive and they can accept NO.  I feel it’s the girls responsibility to stand up for her morals and values and just say NO.  Girls are agreeing to have sex because they feel “everybody’s doing it” even though the percentage may be smaller than they think, it only takes one friend to brag and then the cycle begins. Girls are often swayed to give in to sex if they have already said no and the boyfriend continues to make an effort. This leaves the girl feeling pressured because they don’t want to lose their boyfriend and be talked about by  her peers.

So this is where we are at: Girl has new boyfriend. After 4 weeks of talking, texting, seeing each other at school and maybe once a week seeing each other outside of school they now consider themselves in love. I believe the majority of teen girls are trying to emulate older siblings, friends and the bombardment of media and TV sways their idea of what the definition of acceptance really is. Many girls validate their self worth by how successful they are with a boy.  By having sex, these girls feel it cements their relationship and shows true love.

I’m not saying all girls this age engage in this behavior but many do. Even the best of the best can get caught up in being popular, accepted and loved.

I feel having sex at this age is a poor choice. Not only do I want girls to feel confident in their self worth and hold true to their morals and values, I want teen girls to be more educated in the responsibilities of having sex. I feel most girls understand having sex at their age is not appropriate and ill advised. Parents tell their children “Don’t have sex”, “You’re too young to have sex”, “You’ll get Pregnant”, etc…. but i feel like teen girls should be taught the consequences of their actions in greater detail.  Teens feel invincible and you hear all the time “It won’t happen to me”.  I hear girls say “Wow, I never knew those statistics” or “Oh, I didn’t know that would happen.”

The statistics are enough to unnerve even the most grounded parent, which is why abstinence is so important for teens. However, knowledge is power, and it’s crucial that teens and parents understand the risks involved in catching an STD.

Common STDs

Chlamydia. This most common bacterial STD is found in 20 to 40 percent of teens having sex outside of marriage. Up to 40 percent of all girls between the ages of 15 and 19 are infected — the highest chlamydia infection rate of any age group. Chlamydia often has no overt symptoms, and if untreated can cause sterility in both males and females.

Human Papilloma Virus (HPV). Up to 15 percent of sexually active teenage girls are infected with HPV. The majority of those infected have a strain that has been linked to cervical cancer.

Genital Warts. Viral growths that appear on the external genital organs, genital warts infect as many as a third of all sexually active teenagers. No permanent cure exists for these growths, with at least 20 percent recurring following removal. In females, there is an association between genital warts and cervical cancer.

Herpes. This is a viral infection that, undiagnosed, can cause miscarriage or stillbirth during pregnancy. There is no cure.

Gonorrhea. A highly contagious bacterial infection affecting the penis in men and the vagina in women, gonorrhea, left untreated, can cause sterility, arthritis, and heart trouble.

Syphilis. A serious, highly contagious, progressive bacterial disease that can affect all parts of the body — the brain, bones, spinal cord, heart, and reproductive organs. New cases of syphilis in the U.S. fell during 1996 to their lowest level in 40 years — 4.4 cases per 100,000. This is close to the historic low of 3.9 cases per 100,000 that occurred in 1956 and 1957.

AIDS. Acquired immune deficiency syndrome (AIDS) is a disease in which the body’s natural defense system is disabled, allowing other bacterial and viral infections to become deadly. As of June 1997, the National Centers for Disease Control had counted 2,953 cases among adolescents aged 13 to 19, representing less than 1 percent of the total number of AIDS cases in the U.S.

Since the time between infection with HIV and the onset of AIDS may be several years, however, many young adults diagnosed with AIDS undoubtedly contracted the disease while teenagers. In fact, half of all HIV infections in the U.S. occur among persons under 25. There is as yet no cure for AIDS. Although new drugs are increasing the survival time for people who get AIDS and researchers are making progress in understanding it, the disease is still ultimately fatal.

Oral sex has been found to spread syphilis, gonorrhea, HIV, HPV, genital herpes, chlamydia and possibly hepatitis C.

When I was 13 I had a boyfriend and it was so much fun. I wasn’t pressured to have sex , however I had no problem saying NO.  Believing in who you are, what you stand for and knowing your self worth will enable you to have the power to stay in control of your dating experience throughout your school years.

My Message to Young Teen Girls:

If a boy pressures you to become sexually active even though you have said no, STOP dating this boy ~ He clearly is not the one for you!

Enjoy being 13 – 14 – 15!! Have a boyfriend, enjoy school,  try new hobbies, be a good friend. Having a boyfriend may seem like the most important thing. Don’t make that your main focus, and if a boy really likes you he won’t pressure you at all.

Success with a boy NEVER validates who you are!!

Your in the drivers seat, so Take Control!